a few days ago i tried to update my laptop and shut it down while it was doing a system upgrade. this has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. it was actually in the middle of writing to the bios when this happened, so my computer instantly embarked on a magical girl transformation into a very expensive paperweight. i spent the rest of the night terrified that i'd just lost everything on my main computer, sobbing to my gf, trying to figure out how to take apart the laptop enough to unplug the cmos battery, and wondering how i was going to get to sleep.
i woke up at around 3:30am. that woke my roommate up a bit later, who found a manual i hadn't and found that my laptop had a backup bios it could boot from instead, solving my entire problem. thank fuck for them, but i felt really silly for how freaked out i was.
and then i came down with the worst sickness i've had in years.
i spent the rest of the day throwing up. seems like i also got food poisoning or something; i don't think it was just stress from the computer issues. for most of the day i could barely keep liquids down, and when i finally ate a single saltine cracker, it was a cause for celebration.
all i did that day was sit uncomfortably in bed and try not to jostle my internal organs if at all possible. it was really unpleasant. we considered taking me to the ER. i took little naps whenever possible, since i just wanted to get the worst of it over with as quickly as possible, and i'd only gotten a few hours of sleep the previous night. i took the next day off work.
as i write this, i'm feeling a little better. i'm really glad things are finally settling down after everything.
the experience with the laptop made me think about how səmnêk should have a word for when you're out of internet range, or your phone is dead, etc (vel cetera?), and you feel like you've lost a limb. it feels like a slightly "shameful" concept to have a name for, since being that socially dependent on online spaces is generally seen as a bad thing, but i feel it pretty viscerally and i know i'm not the only one feel that way.
it's interesting, but somewhat disheartening, to think about how it's often nearly impossible to find fulfilling social connections in person, for "people like me" (whatever that implies). i wonder what i'm doing wrong.
There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me.
fuck, "finally settling down"??? just got hit with the fucking american election. i don't get to catch a break at all do i.