why i vent so much

i've been thinking recently about how, even though i tend to consider myself someone that doesn't reveal all that much about faerselves, if i do get close to you, i find myself spilling pretty much anything that's on my mind without much inhibition. i'm lucky that my partners don't mind that i do that, but it's still something i'd like to work on, i think. part of the original intention for this website was to let that sort of thing out without needing to bother anyone about it.

i realized this morning that a big part of the reason is that it doesn't feel real to me if i don't tell anyone about what's on my mind. if i experience something alone, with how forgetful i am, it's almost as if it didn't happen at all -- and getting someone else to know it happened as well adds a sense of legitimacy to it that i don't think i have the confidence to assert off my own experiences alone yet.

maybe this journal will help to some degree too; a written record from the day of is much stronger proof that something indeed happened. we'll see, i suppose.